Heaviness

Two days passed after the last conference (engaging the revelatory realm), my mind was just filled with mixed thoughts after that. The conference had changed me further - better? I have no idea.  As I journey on to seek the Lord, I just stay where I am right now - be still - and think of nothing else.  The night of ministering by Ps Steve Chua had given me a means of stepping forward to something more, i pray. 

my heart was kindda numb and yet heavy on the innermost. Been keeping my tots away from negativity and focus in Lord Jesus. Somehow i'm stifling something and refused to let go. My heart seemed to be sobbing real hard but no tears flowed. 

Lord, what's going on inside? I don't understand. My mouth couldn't open to say anything or utter anything. My mind is refusing to open my mouth. 

Lord Jesus, You are my Pain Killer - emotionally, physically and mentally. I don't know what to do anymore. I give up.