Sustainability and protection - all for His love's sake

Last two weeks had been a week so filled with God's protection and sustainability.  I had a bout of food poisoning after ingesting some roach droppings that happened to be cooked together with the rice.  By the time I realised their existence in the rice, some of them had made their way into my stomach.  In my mind, I told myself that it will not affect me and my week.

True enough, it didn't adversely affect me throughout the entire week until the end of all the conference meetings and a wkend hi-tea gathering with Ps Corey (from Australia) and my group of blogger friends.  Daddy God, thank You for the protection during that entire week and keeping me with Your Strength.

Though the symptoms were minor during the conference meeting, they didn't stop my body from worshipping the Lord. The conference which I attended was "Releasing the Sound of Heavens" and it's all about praise and worship.

The entire conference was awesome with Ps Chris Dupree and Dan McCollam - having to learn about worshipping.  Probably will post it one day about the worshipping and the different kinds of worship.

Right after the conference meeting, my stomach started to churn a bit more with lotsa air running ard my digestive tracts.. But Dad sustained me all the way until the end of the gathering with Ps Corey and the bloggers @ Lime Restaurant for hi-tea.

When I reached home, fever started breaking out and all went loosed - bowels.. ugh... green, watery, blah blah blah.. sure signs of food poisoning... Had a short sms-ing time with my Rock Kids leader - Cheryl, and she told me to take Holy Comm.  I thank God for her who was placed in my life to remind me.

Right after taking the Holy Comm and some medications, i fell into a sleep - only to wake up abt 2 hrs later without any break from the fever.  I got pretty mad this time and I asked the Holy Spirit to fight this food poisoning immediately.  Amazingly, Dad.. the Holy Spirit fought the food poisoning immediately and the high fever broke right after the prayer. Still felt a little feverish and I took the last panadols to bring down the fever and slept through the night.

The next morning, the fever had gone leaving remnants of the food poisoning (i.e. rumbling stomach and solid state green bowels).. Still feeling the tiredness and boy.. my mom did got on my nerves.  Though I snapped at her in church, I didn't feel much pain except to feel annoyed by her nonsense...  Anyway, thank God that my grumpiness didn't last long and things went back normal after the service..  :P

Without any appetite for food and feeling nauseous, my stomach sure enjoyed the gummies!!  Had so much of the gummies that I felt so happy after that.. lol.. anyway, sugars are meant to make you happy esp when your stomach is so upset.. :P  Quite a way to cheer it up..

After the whole day in church, I decided to see the doctor for medications to restore the good bacteria in my tummy and I was given 2 days mc which I was like yay!! i can sleep more for the 2 days and really rest.

In essence after the whole week, I saw how Daddy God had been protecting me from the dreaded food poisoning and how He sustained me throughout the entire week to enjoy worshipping Him.  This seemed to be like a warfare but the only thing in my head tells me is, I don't give a hoot to what the devil is trying to do on me.  My God protects me with His shield, His Sword will just kill any evil that's trying to harm me, His Love will simply embrace me totally - like a child carried in His arms.

Thank You Dad for everything that through Lord Jesus Christ who died for me and sending the Holy Spirit to be my protector, healer, teacher, guidance and everything. In Jesus name, amen. =)

Bless the Lord in ---> EVERYTHING

Psalm 103

As we are familiar with this Psalm, "Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me, bless His Holy Name.", I always had this problem of blessing the Lord back in everything.  My mind is now having only the head knowledge but not the revelation of this Psalm.

However, it is never about me blessing the Lord.  It's about how Dad blesses us in everything.  He blesses us first, and in turn, He'll change our hearts to see His Goodness.  It's not about feelings or sensations.  It is a parched dry ground for me right now but I still believe that Dad has a greater blessing for me.

My eyes are not able to see the goodness of the Lord now,
My ears are not able to hear the goodness of the Lord now.
But the Lord will never stop His goodness from flowing into my life.

Dad, I can't rely on senses and feelings but to trust in You, that You are blessing my life and my family.  I do not know what is happening right now, but I just rest in this stillness and wait for You.  Even if I laze around at this moment, I guess it's a moment of rest for me AND to stop running/ barging aimlessly.  It's a time for me to stop, wait for You to take over me.  You will overtake my life and in this stillness, I'll rest under Your shades.

Dad,
Under Your wings, I seek refuge.
On Your Shoulders, You set me on high. 
You lift me up and soar like an eagle. 
An eaglet I am right now,
Waiting to be pushed beyond the cliff of impossibles.
And there, Your Wind will lift me higher
To the greater heights of impossibilities.

Holy Spirit, thank You for
healing me,
building me,
strengthening me,
molding me,
protecting me,
leading me, and
teaching me,
according to the Word of God.

Lord Jesus,
I see You as my Lord, not as a Rabbi. I want to worship You. You are my only Friend whom I can talk to, pour out my heart to, and You will always listen to my heart.   Lord Jesus, thank You for loving me. Thank You for blessing me, for embracing me, for protecting me.  Thank You for everything and making a "simple me". I love You, Lord Jesus.

Heaviness

Two days passed after the last conference (engaging the revelatory realm), my mind was just filled with mixed thoughts after that. The conference had changed me further - better? I have no idea.  As I journey on to seek the Lord, I just stay where I am right now - be still - and think of nothing else.  The night of ministering by Ps Steve Chua had given me a means of stepping forward to something more, i pray. 

my heart was kindda numb and yet heavy on the innermost. Been keeping my tots away from negativity and focus in Lord Jesus. Somehow i'm stifling something and refused to let go. My heart seemed to be sobbing real hard but no tears flowed. 

Lord, what's going on inside? I don't understand. My mouth couldn't open to say anything or utter anything. My mind is refusing to open my mouth. 

Lord Jesus, You are my Pain Killer - emotionally, physically and mentally. I don't know what to do anymore. I give up. 

Expectations out of the coming conference - Dr James Goll

Just another day to go to the start of another conference - Engaging the revelatory realm (by Dr James Goll). Had been waiting for this day to arrive and not exactly sure what to expect out of this conference yet.  Probably the 2nd day will be much clearer.

Dad, I know not what to expect out of this conference, but I do know that You have something in store for me out of this conference. I just want to remain in Your Presence throughout the entire conference and also to discern Your Ways for me in this new phase in life. 

Holy Spirit, fill my 3 days with the Presence of God and show me the Ways. You shall lead me and guide my heart. I'm going for this conference with expectations of receiving from the Lord and guide my heart in every part of the conference itself. 

Thank You Lord Jesus for this conference.  I wanna see more of You.
    

Evening session @ 3 nites of glory

it's the 2nd night at the conference - 3 nights of glory by joshua mills. the experience is interesting on the 1st night where gold dusts can be seen on my palms when Joshua Mills told us to lift up our hands into the holy presence. 

all of us were amazed and i was fascinated by the sparkles on my palm.. for a moment i was thinking if it's my sweaty palm.. 

it's 2nd night and i've made a prayer. And i also want to see more of the gold dusts.. if possible, gemstones too (since it had been recorded in Youtube)?

i do have some expectations tonite and i pray that i can see these expectations.

Daddy, settle my heart, okie?

Reviving this blog and re-living new moments with Daddy..

It's been ages and I've long forgotten this blog site until early May 2013. I started to read all the past blogs and remembered the days with Daddy. I missed those days and wanted them back once again. It had been a long plunge from high grounds and it takes time to recover from the plunge. Slowly and steady, Daddy will lead me home - to the highest grounds. Whether I'm discerning correctly or not, it doesn't matter to me anymore. It's a one-step per day and allowing Daddy to hold me and carry me. Daddy, I missed Your Presence. I want to feel Your Presence again. Where You are leading me, I know not. Whether my prayers are answered, I know not either. I've lost numerous and is this the life You have for me? I want to start everything in life all over again and this time, You take the lead. At this moment, I just want You to embrace me, that's all.. Time to revive this blog page and this whole blog is dedicated to You alone, Daddy. Each post is going to be an account of all the blessings and encounters with You.

Updates

Dear all,
my blogs will be updated in this new site http://www.alephtav751.blogspot.com.

Count My Blessings

Many times I wonder how faithful or rather how real Lord Jesus is. Was it because my faith in Jesus became weak? Or was it that I have started to lose hope in Him who exists? Or was it due to my missing of my dad?

Most of the time when I'm alone, I felt that a large part of me is missing. And that missing part is always related to my dad. I'm truly amazed with my mom who took it well. Guess after all her years of enduring my dad? Or perhaps it's really the Lord who gave her the ultimate strength? I missed sms-ing him with messages to tell him I love him, to tell him that I'll buy dinner for him, to share with him about my day, etc.. I missed listening to his stories of his younger days. Or rather I missed arguing with him..

The problem of being too close to someone tends to make our hearts yearn for the person's presence once again after he/she has left on a new journey. But if one is not being close to our own family member, it feels like as though we have not done our part as son/daughter to love the other person when he/she is still with us. No doubt that my dad has gone on his new adventure, many times I wonder where he is, how's he doing, what's he doing, and main thing is he really still alive spiritually? I won't know the answer till I go back to Heaven. If I don't see him there, can I ask Daddy God for my dad to be with me in Heaven? There are so many questions that will be left unanswered until I'm home with Jesus.

I remember having played a game with my friend and one of the questions asked "If there is a wall, what way will I use to go over to the other side of the wall?" Well, my answer is walking to the end of the wall and then turn to the other side. But, how far is it to the end of the wall? I visualised an extreme long journey to the end of the wall (juz like the Great Wall of China?).

It's just a picture to indicate how long it'll take me to get over to the other side of the wall.. Perhaps a very long time in which I've no idea.. Sometimes, I also wonder why love can be so painful to such extent? I was also wondering why was it that I'm always the last person to know of some things that happened at home? How very unfair! However, I still want to thank God that everything is peaceful and nothing bad will happen anymore, as all of us are already in Christ (including my sis-in-law and brother). That is to say, the entire Yeow family is saved.

Each time when I started to fade and lose hope, I started to count my blessings that Daddy God had graciously granted to me.
Blessing #1 - a wonderful dad and mom who strived so hard as one flesh, to bring up both my brother and I,
Blessing #2 - a wonderful sis-in-law whom I can really teased and shared my heart with,
Blessing #3 - two wonderful kids at home to keep my mom occupied and also to bring fun and laughter in the family,
Blessing #4 - never to forget my 2 lovable friends who had been with me throughout this time, having to endure my grouchiness.. Praise Jesus for them..
Blessing #5 - a job to keep my mind busy,
Blessing #6 - a close friend who has also been keeping me in her prayer,
Blessing #7 - able to breathe every second,
Blessing #8 - able to walk, run, jump,
Blessing #9 - able to listen to sermons, music, voices, noises, etc,
Blessing #10 - able to have time with my mom,
Blessing #11 - able to feel, taste, and smell,
Blessing #12 - very important, having Lord Jesus as my Ultimate Savior and Friend,
Blessing #13 - able to serve in church,
Blessing #14 - have the chance to read the bible and know more about Lord Jesus,
.
.
.
.

The list of blessings can never end coz our Father in Heaven never ceases to love us with His Love, to shower us with His tender loving care and kindness, to grant us with His favour every day, to bless us with His abundant blessings, etc..

Daddy God, despite of my doubts about your existence, You still love me as who I am, and what I am. You do not see me in my own self being, but You see me in Christ Jesus. That His Blood had washed me completely of all my sins, that He died my death, that He took all the punishments that were meant for me, that He bore all the sicknesses that were meant for me, all the curses that He took on my behalf. Daddy God, nothing of myself is worthy of Your attention but You took time to pay attention to my needs and my calls for You. You love me so much that You won't want to see me cry. You have been containing all my tears in Your Tear-Bottle and You will never let a single drop of my tears to waste. Lord Jesus, I just don't know what to do but to depend on You. I've no choice but to cast all my cares, all my pains, all my worries, all my problems to You. I don't know how to deal with issues in life but You know how to resolve every single one of them for me. I don't know how, I don't know when but I do know You can and You will solve everything for me and my family. Lord Jesus, unto You, I cast everything for Your attention and Your action. Thank You Jesus. I don't care how You do it, I just know You will solve them for me. You know what they are and I don't need to spell out every single one of them. Daddy God, as Jesus is in Heaven right now, so am I on earth. He is my Righteousness, my Understanding, my Wisdom, my Provider, my Healer and literally my Everything. There's nothing I can hold in my hands, and You can hold them all in Your Mighty Hands. Who can go against You, who is the Almighty One? Daddy God, unto You, my soul, body and mind rest. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen..

Fun time @ church function

Wow... I thank Daddy God for such a fun time at my church's Ministry of Helps function nite.. There has never been a day that I will feel bored ever since I entered this church. Initially, I thought that I won't be able to make it for the function coz of my "bad" flu that caused me to have throat infection and high fever for the past few days. Praise Jesus that one of my friends called me last night and we were on the phone for nearly an hr. Right after the conversation, I noticed that my throat wasn't as painful as it was earlier in the day.

Indeed, I've received my healing and I'm continuing to receive total healing from this dreaded flu. Well, whatever it is, I'm still able to make it for the function. It was a nite of total fun and laughter. Truly praise Jesus for making this possible for me.

Well.. there was a song which Deacon Jeffrey sang at the last section of the function that helped me see Jesus again. I felt so weak throughout the week and after listening to this, He is my Strength.. It's a song by Steve Curtis Chapman..

His Strength is Perfect
I can do all things,
Through Christ who gives me strength,
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me.
No great success to show
No glory on my own
Yet in my weakness
He is there to let me know

His Strength is perfect,
When our strength is gone.
He'll carry us when we can't carry on.
Raised in His Power, the weak becomes strong
His Strength is perfect
His Strength is perfect

We can only know
The power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes
His Strength in us begins
When ours comes to an end
He hears our humble cry and proves again

A beautiful song and it melts my heart right there and then.. Jesus is my Strength.. Many people told me to be strong for my mom after my dad passed away.. Many times, I told the Lord that I can't and don't even know how to be strong.. I'm felt so weak and tired and just can't find the strength at times.. This song just cuts right into my heart now as I start to think more about His Love for me and His Strength in me.

Now I know that it's Jesus telling me that "Darling.. My Strength is perfect. Just rest in my bosoms and I will carry you all the way. I'm putting you on my Shoulders and I'm carrying you all the way."

Lord Jesus, I want to thank You that You are my Strength. You are my Comforter. I have no idea how to move on with life without You, Lord. It is You who gave me the Strength that I need. You are the One to show me the Way. You are the One who can direct every footstep that I take. Lord, I thank You that You are ALIVE. Thank you for loving me and my entire family. I'm so blessed, so favoured and so loved by You. Thank You Lord Jesus.. And because of Your Love, my entire family is already saved including my sis-in-law. I thank You that my sis-in-law's entire family are also saved! :D In Your Most Wonderful, Mighty Name, I pray. Amen!

Hmm.. what to write? Only 1 thing.. Thank you Daddy God that You have never leave me nor forsake me in any day of my life and my entire family including my dad.. :D

ok.. that's all..