Dad has been really cool!! About His Protection and Provisions...
This year had been filled with quite some strong torrential storms but thank God for arming me with His Word, that nothing shall be any means harm me or my family. I was thinking through alot this year and always wondered what am I here for on earth? For once, I noticed that I didn't know God as much as I thought I had.
I started to question God about Himself and what does He want to do with me in my life? I've ranted at Him and refused to remember what He had done for me over the years in my career and personal life. It was like a moment of not able to recall what happened since I was young and I told God, give me back my childhood days.
Things started to change 2 years ago after I left a job that gave me a lot of pains and hurts for 4 years. Kindda felt rather so dumb about having toiled like a mad person and ended up all efforts actually came to nought with little or no recognition. Felt so devastated during then and my heart became so bitter to the point that I don't trust God anymore.
During the days after I left that job, I told myself that I shall not shed a tear over anything and I refused to shed any tears. Apparently, it's even more painful for not doing so, coz I'm bottling up all my pains within me. Ended up, my health deteriorated and my blood pressure shot up real high.
Many times, I wanted to just say goodbye to the world and ask Dad to bring me home coz I couldn't find any purpose to live a life here. I felt that life was so tough since childhood and wondered how come I still have to go through so much nonsense in life. I've questioned God many times and I can't seem to "hear" His answers.
I may have heard His answers but they never seem to etch deeply within me. I guess my mind was just ranting loudly and refused to quiet down to listen. This is something that I had been doing - that is, not giving time to the Lord. Till now, I'm still struggling with this and I really have no idea how to settle down quietly to listen to His voice.
to be continued.......
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